I am back with my movie gadgets, to be frank it only includes a HDD and a good quality headphone (i still long for BOSE headphones though)..it has been ages since i last saw any movie so i thought its a great time to start it again. Logically job is going to kill me more or less, so why not follow something u enjoy...Its always about choosing the safer options, u work hard, u earn well, u buy a condo, a car and then what, i do question where will this race end for me or my colleagues. So i decided why not take a break and enjoy. Godfather was superb, it was only my 11th time as far as i remember! 

As Mike puts it - 'It's not personal, its strictly business'.

its the election time and some campaigning to awaken our dear voters has worked or not is still to be seen. what is more appaling to me is the stress laid on 'go and vote, become a responsible citizen'. To be frank i am not against this or anything but i think that our approach is wrong. I feel more stress should be laid on to educate people about background of local candidates, party manifestos and party's history. I think media should change the way they operate. Instead of bringing in 50 analyst per day to know bout future results they should cover the checks and run them nationally. This will indeed awaken the voters. Its a new drama unfolding with groups of friends making a sham of the whole process. As soon as voters are aware of candidates, biases will be removed. Well definitely its too late but yeah maybe next time it should be followed. People uninterested in politics, not even knowing the candidates go and vote. I doubt whether they are making any useful change by pushing up the voting ratio. and yes its still to be seen, 5 more years.

well a million thoughts must have passed my mind in the last one month which i m passing day by day, reason - my employer wants me to join from 18th may onwards. i hv never been this free in my life, i have nothing to do, nothing to look forward to but still i think i have done well. Gave a serious thought about the things which i want to do. i have tried to be more rational and have managed well not to be swept by emotions. According to my Prof SB, emotional touches always bias ur decisions. Well the next thing in line is Value Investing, the field of Graham and Dodd. This is my current job - the book 'security analysis' written by the two architects is serving me well. I hope i can continue to nurture my newly found interest post 18th May.

A true case of - 'Streetlight yearning to be Starlight'...

My room lizard didn't show up today and am a bit worried about it...I find lizards creepy and cant stand them but anywayz this lizard and me go back together for four months. I remember 'The lizard' since the start of the semester and i used to hate it but yeah am such a scared soul i dont have it in me to run behind lizards and chase them away...Well then y am i going on for it and dat to on my blog? I realized i and 'The Lizard' (plz mention 'the', coz it hurts my sentiments if u label it just another one of the bunch) are emotionally connected now. We both live in abeyance of it more or less but yeah we are kind of good company for each other. Well all in all i hope 'the lizard' is safe.

Another funny thing - a girl called me up from Lucknow and here is the conversation with her....she said her name was Priyanka.

Priyanka - 'Hey, is this Ankit'.
me - (exited, wow am in demand) 'Yup and this is?'

Priyanka - 'This is Priyanka from Lko, remember?'
me - (after a long pause, no a very long pause and cursing my memory) 'Nopes'.

Priyanka - 'Hey cmmon, stop kidding'
me - (i wish i was kidding) 'Can you throw some light'

Priyanka - 'okie, LC ...Macfarland coaching...Arun's sister'
me - (now who the hell is Arun) 'ok, hi how r u?' (How can u still say u dont know)

Priyanka - 'am doing gr8...am in lko doing BLAH...BLAH...BLAH'.
me - (yes i have amnesia :x) 'thats nice, good'

Priyanka - 'so wats up at ur end'
me - 'BLAH...BLAH...(confidential) :D '

Priyanka - 'so wen r u coming back from mumbai....hey am sorry for watever happened a couple of years ago, i want to meet you...if that sounds alright'
me - (wat sumthing happened, wat, where, how @#@$@#$@&*&)
Priyanka - 'What r u thinking'
me - 'nothing, but am not in mumbai' (why, no i mean WHY did i say that)
Priyanka - 'what aren't u doing ur graduation from blah blah insti from mumbai'
me - 'no am doing it from another blah blah insti'
Priyanka - 'aren't you Ankit Das'
me - (got it, its not my memory...it is my luck) 'No, am Ankit Sethi'.
Priyanka - 'oh sorry, i guess i got the wrong number' (Call ended )

I am still depressed for being rejected just coz of my surname :( and yeah for my lizard too....

"Everything that existed, existed in a captured state. Animate or inanimate, everything wanted to be free. That's what the lights said; that was their secret. Wild lights in the night skies, and domesticated lights, right here on the street, they all told the same tale. It was so plain to see when you knew how to look. Didn't neon and streetlights yearn to be starlight?"

- Charles de Lint, Dreams Underfoot

@RAJAT

Sitting in the realms of the dead,
unfolding its scent when ever the door opens...
Sitting up from a dream when you find the rustic leaves,
You always thought its over and i asked you to wait,
When the winds carried us along to the hell of times,
I culdn't wait to be born kicking on the sides,
I dont think the world will understand as am imbecile....

The red door has been opened and it has been painted black....
The mist is heaving us but still the remarks stand,
I dont curse the lord coz i am still afraid,
the things which happened were for us to say....

The devil stood with us all the time,
Its surreal morning or its still the volcano's time,
Lost in space or lost in time as it always happens....
behold my hand and trust me, it will pass away,
as I am down,
Digging through my old muscles, still looking for a clue....

U made it dude....trust me no one culd be more happy than i am....
Love ya buddy!

Your Movie Buff Quotient: 96%

You are a movie buff of the most obsessive variety. If a movie exists, chances are that you've seen it. You're an expert on movie facts and trivia. It's hard to stump you with a question about film.

As if i didn't know....search for some good movie on my lan going on since 3 days.....and in the mean time i watched 'School Of Rock' again for the 3rd time....Forrest Gump for 5th and Goodfellas for 2nd; and after this blog will watch 'eternal sunshine of spotless mind' for the 7th time i suppose(YEAH its one of my favs, Charlie Kaufman is screenplay's god)...plz gimme a good movie someone which i am yet to see :(

little angel go away
come again some other day
the devil has my ear today
i will not hear a word you say...

In retrospection one can find all kind of emotions. It doesn't matter whether people u drowned are still alive what matters is how u come up with it. What course of sail will u follow for ur ship.
Am going to leave my college in just a month or so from now...Am i already feeling the things am going to miss, the things i missed or is this feeling of being void from inside comes out just like that. Another thought...another crash as i say.

Though these four years or so have been both blissful and painful. But, still I think it carried me a lot into the thinkers. Met all kind of people here sadists, optimistics, misogynist, emotional fools and etc etc....I still dont categorize myself just coz of the fact i still think am a mixture of many different phases from time to time or u can call me predictibly unpredictable guy.

Right now i feel something is going to be empty sonner or later. I remember my school farewell which i missed but even seeing the video made me sad. Well i follow everything to the last bell but still to be practical i can come up with zilch names to stand with again. It always happen.

Am i going to miss the college so much...NAH, ofcourse not, but thinking of the people i m going to sends a thunderstrike through my spine. Am not emotional enough, atleast this is what people tell me and i think they r wrong and this writing is a proof of that. To Cp ill miss u sumtimes coz our mode of comm will still be the same. To the fight club gang i will miss u all too just coz i spent the most astonishing time of my life with u. astonishing in the sense no body else culd have survived the punishment and we morons we transformed it into a crossroads of deeds...nice work guys and gals. that was the time wen i realized what it is to live with burden all the time. Yeah how can i forget the thinkers....u will be missed too.

The four years gave me a psychic power to some extent. Its always nice to have a sense of something bad to happen b4 hand, although in my cases it didn't do me any good but still...

When u need something badly u will get it mostly but as far as i go the things i wanted badly leave me at the earliest possible crash signs. It had a demonic effect on me. I became sober. Transformations are good and necessary else life is too baked to spend time with. Be it roses or thorns, u should have it in you to hate urself and change urself...irony is nobody gets what am talking bout...well its more of fresh water spring from the volcanoes.

I believe few have the privelage to be mis-understood and i surely have this privelage. U should always know wen to stand ur ground and wen to leave it else u will feel the heat burning you down...this is not philosophy, these are my tears, yeah the hypothetical ones.

Fear drives you to new places. Its good to have fear of something or the other. it makes your life simple. It answers ur queries and support ur stance. My biggest fears...i m afriad of even talking bout it.

These four years also taught me sumthing bout myself. I hate hypocrites. i cant stand them.

and ofcourse the best lesson of the 4 years - Life's a bitch...

Dreams, lived or spent, always takes a toll on your life. Be it in form of sweet memories or satanic verses.

Living in the form of reality is even worse. One always wants to write a fairy tale but you dont get to write it the way you want to, that is both the beauty and cruelty of life. Standing motionless, i find it hard to leave my dreams untouched, to leave what i always stood for, to leave the chance of getting shot and chance of getting nursed.

Its all relative...

Finally the wait is over. Martin Scorsese is now the best director officially, with Oscar at his side for the film - 'The Departed'...Yeah u've hrd me right. Its not that Departed is bad or anything but giving Scorsese the Oscar, his first, for a film which is not even remotely close to his best work is ironic in itself. The departed by the standards of anyone is a good movie, infact a gr8 movie. Nice script, good with light control over camera and nice characters but to be honest the film is not by any stretch his best work.

This blog is educative as someone early today tried to pull my leg for downplaying 'the departed' way back. ok ok it is rich with oscars but that doesn't raise its standard for a scorsese fan like me. Coz his true fans dont believe in oscars anymore (pun absolutely intended :D ). The departed won coz it was just the best of this years harvest. As i said its all relative....

Hope (that) someone is getting my point. If you are still in doubt here's my take. I'll start with 'Mean Streets' (1973) .. ok the edges were loose but still De Niro and Keitel had their characters stretched to captivate the audience with the sense of confusion at the end. A remarkable entry for Scorsese...Nobody culd have predicted that this will pave the way for Quentin Tarantino and Boyle...They simply play it like this movie....

Now here's one of my fav - Taxi Driver (1976)...The plot based on unstable war veteran, controlling his emotions throughout for a final lash out against society, the ugly side of it. How can you deny this film an OSCAR...is there any kind of accountability left in the world. Near perfect script, bound characters and poetic realization methods are introduced to hollywood.

Wait here's another one better than departed - Raging Bull (1980). Now imagine someone physically toughest of all but emotionally self-destructing...yeah the movie is around this character played by Robert De Niro and he won an oscar for the best actor for this...but scorsese's directing efforts went unrewarded. This movie brings with it a tilt towards the human nature and sheer brilliance of a director who gave the world a polarized character with his own wings.

Goodfellas(1990) - "as far as i remember i always wanted to be a gangster".....this is how the film starts and then it never looks back. The mafia melodrama is taken to new heights. The movie focuses on criminal ties of a city and the nexus of the web it plants. Now for GOD SAKE not giving an oscar to this and giving it to departed is like stating that i can sing and win a grammy :( ... He introduced the venal characters but with wide variety of flavours. He spiced up the shots especially the long staring commutative ones as in Casiono or Gangs of New York.

I m happy that finally he won the Oscar but i m angry that he did it for 'the departed'. Well all in all its payback for one of the greatest directors. As Richard Walter said - "Its payback to a person who richly deserved it for his other work. Now I think more of his other works going unawarded". So now dear (that) someone, hope u understand my agony :x

P.S. - I haven't mentioned Gangs of New York, Casino, The Aviator and some other movies coz i didnt want to sound mere rhetoric. I hope u get the point :)
Richard Walter is the head of UCLA, Film School's screen writing programme. In short he is a big name in field of Cinema.

The Aftermath...

Finally i m over the bhaang effect...I slept like a child, for something around 20 hours. After coming back from my senile state( i meant the comfortably numb state :) ), i am still not able to recall which movie i watched after having bhaang with my frends...I tried everything but nah its not that easy u see, am a newbie. Had bhaang for the first time and to be honest it tasted good, i mean thr was no taste. I thought am having just a regular milk shake but all of my beliefs were put to rest in an hour or so...I still dont feel my feet :(

Its 5:00 a.m. and i cannot hide this feeling of exhilaration...i just finished my BTP part1 presentation. I realized i need so many people to complete my presentation. Its not that am useless but more or less am close :)

Acknowledgement

1. Tuhin Paul a.k.a. Tony - You see am poor with diagrams...no even poor is a very mild term in my case. I cant even draw a straight line. My ppt contains one hand made model diagram amd yes my room-mate came to my rescue....

2. Rajat Mittal - back from hyderabad and he is the only reason my ppt took so long. Kept telling me stuff and asking me all the advices as if i m the oracle from the matrix trilogy...and only after he went to sleep i was able to continue with my work :x

3. Vikram Jaglan a.k.a Kasuta - He is my project partner and he is asleep like a child without any knowledge of our presentation schedule. only coz of him i had to do the ppt as he went to sleep b4 me and telling me ' Yaar ppt bana lena...i m off' . this guy thinks am insomniac...and he is wrong :x

4. Manish kumar Gupta - my project guide. He asked me to re-write the report and made fun of Pink Floyd...he mssgd me about 4 hours ago...yeah around 1:00 a.m. asking me bout the ppt. Gosh never expected that i will install GTalk on my comp for him to disturb me at 1:00 a.m.
Technology can be evil at times :x

5. Navin Goel - He got me my daily dose of orange juice from Brijwasi to keep me awake. thnx for the room-service :)

I was given an option to either give the btp presentation on friday or on saturday and to everyone's surprise(even mine) i chose friday...yeah my btp presentation starts at 1400 hours. Just 9 hours to go.

The plunge....

Well its 4:00 a.m. and am depressed like anything...Just got a call from a frend about an hour ago pinpointing the details of the great show i just missed. Yeah, Roger Waters in India and i culdn't make it. That's the story of my life. After spending 60 bucks on orange juice i figured out it doesn't soothe ur spirits...yeah yeah i just drank four of them coz stupid Brijwasi doesn't serve chocolates at this hour. I am still thinking of the songs he played in Mumbai...and what did i do instead, just finished my BTP report, a very big deal according to my fellow inmates here but what the...

I told people about pink floyd, downloaded their videos when everyone was studying and improving their grades. Just coz i thought a 70%+ score card and videos of floyd is a sign of a gr8 engineer...I still remember my 3rd semester when i got a decent 2.6 after procuring "Echoes" videos and boy i thought that i was the topper. Well thats what its all about for me. If i love something i do it with utmost sincerity. I told my project guide about the show and asked his permission to go; all he said you are going to be an engineer, grow up. Now what kind of argument is that.

My report took me 16hours, thanx to my guide who asked for so much. Now if he flunks me probably i'll catch hold of a shot-gun and commit suicide kurt cobain style, leaving just a note behind for my girl, telling her i love her and asking her to kill the prof. for me as if i'll do it myself, it will be an act of aggression which i vowed never to retort to...

Took a long walk yesterday night between 7:00 p.m. to 10:00 p.m. yeah when i like to walk i just go on and on...I went to the broken bridge outside Dholakuan village. The place is totally deserted and in pitch black surroundings. Once i took my friend there and he ran away and thought i was going to murder him. He never went out on a walk with me. Still i love that place, the only problem - the place is about 5 kms from the place i stay and of course i dont like walking 10 kms everyday. But its majestic if you can bear with my taste.

I still don't believe my frend recorded my Barista speech...Yeah it happened 4 years ago when we never carried gadgets or anything close to it. I was out with seven frends of mine out of whom three were couples and they were fighting like hell. I mean discussing trivial things about life, getting stubborn and all. Ego is the worst thing in a relationship. When i wasn't able to bear with them for much time i asked them what they think about love and everyone was speechless...when i gave them what i think they all were gaping at me like i was some prophet. and then a girl started crying...no i was not obnoxious this time, it wasn't my fault. According to them it was one of the most beautiful definitions they have heard and according to me i still think they r pulling my leg...Since a guy wanted to break into the RJ thing and kept a recorder on everytime, they played it again and again. Today my frend has officially become a RJ and he started it with the same speech on love and then playing a love song. He confirmed his job today.
As they say - "You can only connect the dots backward". Great going dude......

What an ugly ending for the post - Real Madrid just lost another game at home and i think Orkut is right in stating that "Your luck has been completely changed today". I need chocolates for sure....

Bringing it on...

My first GD/PI session was a nice experience....as the GD took off, everyone was shouting at everyone and i was the mute spectator there. I was infact observing to be managers fighting it out amongst themselves. Now what is the probability that i find Anish sitting right next to me in the GD panel. Wow when everyone was preparing we were catching up on lost times....and yeah he nudged me half way in the session to speak up. Thanx buddy. I was kicking my luck that you were there but now i thank my stars :) Well i did nothing, i actually took the pandemonium to a new level and to be honest that is what B-school GDs are all about. My PI went ok...they questioned me on my hobby list as i missed out on mentioning badminton as one of them and mentioning that during my hay days i was state junior champion...thanx to the panel for bringing the sad old memories back but i did good to explain them everything about the ligament ruptures... :)

Then we had fun in Noida...it was nice to see the condition of Anish's car after the accident but i sort of felt enervated by it; yeah, i culd be pretty direct at times...

I noticed one thing that am averse to window shopping...infact i have developed a more destructing mode for myself. If i spot something nice i just buy it without thinking about anything. Thank god my credit card was not working else my mom wuld have killed me for buying 3k worth of shoes...after buying two pairs recently.

Then right now i realized how everything is trivial...The best things happen to you wen u least expect them. Well i had a gr8 night, with all my unusualities and minimal of probabilities things do bend themselves. Now i realize how fragile i can be but its good to be fragile and be in sense mode rather than the cut off from the world thingy...I believe in serendipities and yeah they do happen to me :) people plz note am not a sadist afterall. After a disasterous train journey from Delhi to Ahmedabad here i am enervated and running again.

And the most weird thing my frend Nikki called up to tell me her engagement date...boy after half an hour her better half calls up to confirm it. Boy i missed the cut. How culd it happen. The two gr8 frends of my life getting married in 6 months. I tried to talk them some sense; to give it more time; to think about it but all in vain...I might be worried bout them but i am sooo happy. well as the beatles said "All you need is Love"...I love you both and hope that both of you have a happily ever after story and ofcourse my silent prayers are for you.

The latest buzz is that i have to miss 'Roger Waters' concert because of my BTP...I have to submit the reports on the very same day. Now seriously what is the probability. Pink Floyd in India and i cant make it...i tried talking sense to the prof. but he left me senseless by telling me he might give me a flunked sign...I am seriously feeling of what i am going to miss with 'Shine on You crazy Diamond' playing on my comp right now...God if you are there please pull this one for me too and i will love you for the rest of my life!

The polarization principle is the most important principle for our minds...It gives us an insight into 'the other'. Disorder is a very simple word to outcast the other. Our life revolves around the others...Solitude is bliss but it has demonic effect many a times.
To break the barriers of the thought process is not enchanting but diseased. Shrouds of false seems to put layers slowly and steadily to hide it away from us.
'The Other' is always the one to be experimented upon...What is Islam radicalism all about. Its the exact problem of orientalism.

The web of racism, cultural stereotypes, political imperialism, de-humanising ideology holding in the Arab or the Muslim is very strong indeed. It is this web which every palestinian has come to feel as his own punishing destiny...The nexus of knowledge and power creating the 'oriental' and in a sense obliterating him as a human being is therefore not just a stability matter.

So is the islam Radicalism their own seed? NO. the harvest is somewhere else which has been dissolved in the social strata. It is the clear matter of the identity crisis looming over Islam. How do we think of middle-east. Either as Oil suppliers or terrorists and this proves it beyond a shadow of doubt about the orientalist mind we have. The identity of every one has been erased from the map. They are mere numbers. But the identity crisis is always the result of 'the other'...

The identity crisis gives way to Terrorism, Osama or even Saddam...The two men were supplied everything to establish a stronghold in the late eighties by the US of A. Iraq was made stable to face Iran, to dissolve Iran's identity of a powerhouse controlling oil. and after the job was done well Iraq's identity was needed to be answered. just think what is Iraq today...A place for rubbles....

If Arab Palestinians oppose Israeli settlement and occupation of their lands, then it is merely 'the return of Islam', or, as a renowed contempory 'Orientalist' defines it, Islamic opposition to non-islamic peoples, a principle of Islam enshrined in the Seventh century. Now what kind of hypocrisy is that?

The thought of the day - ' Dont make anyone a priority in your life, if you are just an option in their's '

I dont remember the original source but i think it is a beautiful tragic saying ...

I recently realized why i am in love with Lucknow...yeah after coming back after a whole year the city seems nice again. Its fun to visit the places and they make a connection with u so fast...no no am not an emotional fool but still there are things i can get really sentimental about and yeah one of the those is my alma mater, the other is food and ofcourse my immediate family.

I realized that am still pretty much indifferent bout many things which according to my dear ones shows how unemotional i am...the latest buzzer went off during some vidayi ceremony when my sister was leaving after getting married and i was supposed to cry...I tried,to be honest with all my might but i failed. Now call me unemotional or watever but i still dont get it...Y was i supposed to cry, i didnt ask her to get married...we were in contact thru phone only and we will still be in touch thru that mode of communication only...i swear thr r somethings beyond my comprehension ability.

The best thing i enjoyed so far is the regular visit i pay to SFC, my alma mater, with frends. Its good to meet frends at the same place where u leave them coz it doesnt imposes the time gap or any sort of barriers in between. Well as albert said its all relative...whenever i go to SFC i dunno i miss something...no no i start feeling something instead. It seems to me i m in a temple or something...no no this is not gandi bak, i can really get sentimental sometimes...well it was here i started my life to be honest. Anywayz wat a shitty life....

Sarcasm runs deep in my family...wen i announced ill be staying for 20-25 days this time, the first remark was 'Have u been suspended from the college or wat' well yeah my mother never misses to score a point. I understand their apprehensions, i cant get stuck for 20 days anywhere...Uptill now its been just 10 days or so for me and am making plans to run away.

The problem with my intimate frend group is it consists of 2 girls...and yeah they can be pretty obnoxious at times. Theyll bug u wenever they r free and girls are always free...they want to go to shopping or movies instead of an eating place...Shit! I love both of u but u both need to grow up soon :)
The other 2 male frends of the group are pretty much the same...I think guys are worse off than girls in this matter. Wen theyll talk after a long gap they behave in same manner even if u meet after one year or one decade...but on the other hand its better that they r not that phoney...

I m sorta missing college...no definitly not the people thr, coz its even worse to see same faces 24*7...that reminds u of stagnation...and it bores the hell out of me.
Read Catcher in the Rye again for 4th time, i dunno y people dont like this novel. I love it inside out...its the best shit anyone can write, its really shitty. The language the plot the character everything throws venom at u and i sorta enjoy it...

Well everything is looking good so far bout these vacations but who knows when will i crash and burn this time.....

So wats up?
Right now am just praying to God that an atom bomb drops from somewhere and wipes all of us...or better still ET takes over our planet from us and send us to their planet or watever place they hail from...Am 22yrs right now and still i haven't seen any living dinosaurs, maybe God can send them too with the ET army.
no no am not in depression or anything on the contrary i enjoy my life and yeah JFI i dont have suicidal tendencies (although sometimes i wish them to b thr)...Anywayz all this shit comes from the same tunnel. I dunno why am still waiting...everything is so flat around me, i think nothing is moving right now. I look at the same Computation book which i need to absorve in a day or two at max and find wat da i had to do the very same thing a week back. For a change watched Dhoom 2...yeah first day first show. Yeah it was pathetic. To b honest i m straight but apart from Hritik's style statement thr was nothing else. so after watching, infact wasting 3 hrs of my precious morning time i find myself still at the same place. For my school frends with whom i swore we always be in touch and all that am seriously sorry for not calling u all back wen everytime i resolve ill do it this time. Somehow i feel i dont want to talk to u all coz after talking i seriously miss the good old days. atleast something or the other was always going on....
For the first time i feel that now am indifferent towards sports now...Well it doesnt matter who ever is winning or losing coz this cycle goes on and on. now i understand wen i was asked after a BB match by my godmother - " ok u won so should i congratulate u, i dont hv ny idea bout sports". yeah i guess am moving closer in attaining that state now and now i realize that she is not that dumb afterall...

So wats up? Nothing, my watch knocking me all the time yelling about the time passing on...but i dont feel it, wat to do my life is standing still at the moment!

Suddenly I have been vested with the label of having a gr8 fashion sense...for those who know me too closely, am not lying. Well i dunno y this new identity has been thrusted on me by a number of people...yeah the number is more than one, its seven.

It so happened that after a basketball match and a cricket match, my jeans(two in number) gave up near my knees...no no not the company's fault its mine. I tried to test its limit beyond imagination. So basically forced to wear those jeans coz of neglecting my laundry for so long i have made a fashion statement... ' Its so cool, cool man. Hey how did u do that. Hey u used blade or scissors'. These are few comments which i have encountered recently. Thanx God my mom hasn't seen the jeans yet or else she will become a vampire and suck out my blood. She will call me names and definitely will not label me as a fashion personality...but hey i still love u mom. I hope u read this and try to comprehend that ur prodigal son is afterall not a looser as such, Am fashion icon! :)

So suddenly my clothes are on the cooler side...am a guy getting all things fall in place themselves for a change. As far as fashion is concerned i dont know the 'a' of it. I never even did shopping for myself. In lucknow my mom do it without fail and here i have fashionable friends to oblige me. Never even think what am wearing and am colour blind to colours of my clothes, so never figured out whether they are matching or not. And suddenly now i have a repo to live to but to be honest i m still shedding tears for my torn jeans...Mom plz dont kill me this time. :)

Right now i can see everything around me painted black...Nope its not forced on me but i guess i like it this way. No colours, no vibes, no hope, no faith....

All i need is a good sound sleep, maybe for 48 hours or more. I dont think i suffer from insomnia but yeah am pretty close to it. Realized how everything is so messed up and we reduce ourselves to ashes by just craving for the blissful prospects and it fails you and push you more inside. To be honest I am missing the CONTROL-Z option in my life. How good it could have been to redo everything. but NAHH, thats life...u can keep making mistakes and u can keep wondering what NEXT.

Well i can use 5-6 dynamite sticks i guess...mayb more. Want to blow up everything.

Screw the randomness in life. You dont matter. Losing our identity evryday and diminishing to sheer numbers. Well time has come for me to stop walking on the line like a monk taking punches without complaints...I guess my time has arrived to paint the red door in my house...yeah ill paint it black.

It's killing you, you're killing me
I'm clinging on to my sanity
All I need is a short term remedy
Come and hide me from this terrible reality...

Dreaded memories flood back to me
But there's still a willful mind behind these cold
psychotic eyes
Now I tread this path so differently
I've opened my mind and darkened my entire life.

I'll dance with the angels to celebrate the holocaust,
And far beyond my far gone pride,
Is knowing that we'll soon be gone,
Knowing that I'll soon be gone...

Am staring this screen for 15 mins and i hv lost track wat i was going to write...Well it is my own syndrome where i suffer from small term memory loss or watever it is called.

Played Basketball after 2 months today and seriously i SUCK. I played shit. So am dejected right now...want to throw a punch or two at someone i have started hating so much. yeah i cant i know...

Have a Basketball tournament after 2 days and am leading my team again...to b honest i think i am the worst of them all, ironical isn't it?

I think Lost in thought and Lost in time applies to me well...no i dont day dream but still I find that my world and the real world is quiet different...Yeah Reality ruins my life! Wat to Do....

Slogged in the library today for 4 hours flat and finished one more novel...thats all i can do. Academic books doesn't suit my digestion.

So basically wat a PATHETIC DAY!!!

I Love this pic...coz somewhere inside me it instills faith in the serenity of nature!

Plant - Caladium
Captured - Sep 21st,2006.
Location - DAIICT

Lost in thought and lost in time,
While the seeds of life and the seeds of change were planted...
Outside the rain fell dark and slow,
While I pondered on this dangerous but irresistible pastime.
I took a heavenly ride through our silence,
I knew the moment had arrived,
For killing the past and coming back to life!!!

I took a heavenly ride through our silence,
I knew the waiting had begun,
And headed straight..into the shining sun